I wonder what soulbreak feels like.
Heartbreak is one helluva thing,
it can rip that heart straight out your chest,
leaving you bleeding and gasping for air,
just a pile of skin and bones
all splayed out in the open for vultures to pick at.
But heartbreak ain’t soulbreak.
I never want to feel it,
but I wonder what it feels like.
I’ve never lost someone I couldn’t quit.
I quit smoking a while back,
a few days later picked it up again.
On again off again diminishes my resilience,
exposes me like a wind-swept hill in a desert countryside,
constant fret over some chemical I need to be rid of
but, addiction ain’t soulbreak.
I never want to feel it,
but I wonder what it feels like.
Like the “lucky one” who didn’t die in a missile strike
you carry on like you just walked out of a bomb blast. Everything
is ravaged, all outside stimulus is padded, like experiencing life
in a sound proof room, pulsating to the beat of a heart, on adrenaline.
Love is a battlefield they say, but especially the dying part,
the end of something as cherished as life or love, that shit ain’t pretty.
But a battlefield ain’t soulbreak.
I never want to feel it,
but I wonder what it feels like.
I’ve seen it happen, in movies repeatedly
but only once in reality. Vanished love, leaving a vacuum
for despair and black anguish to flood in, to fill
a missing gap that use’ta be shaped like someone
you cherished even more than yourself. The soul breaks
when you emotionally realize your love, the love, is over.
Nothing of what I’ve experienced has been soulbreak.
I never want to feel it,
I’ve seen what it feels like.
Luckily, for those that don’t put a gun in their mouth
and pull that tempting trigger, life moves forward
shit gets better, and best of all, them godforsaken memories
that broke your soul will fade. Keep on, one foot
in front of the other, you will find something new
to shove into your chest right next to your heart, that you
can cherish, like no other.
Post-script
Remembering the tears flood from your eyes and your terrific bemoaning
sends my soul into a rout to this day. I stood in front of you, exposed as
the coward I truly am, for I was frozen and left stuttering in your time of need.
I see you stripped before my eyes as a hero for courageously feeling
without any question of recompense from your other.
Your tears shame me, for I am afraid of a feeling, a feeling you marched into
Without question.
We never really recover our past in devastating moments. Our shattered hearts
and minds, assumptions and souls just get patched together again only to
resemble the structure that it was once before. But shit breakin’
ain’t always a bad thing. One piece of yourself has already been broken,
might as well smash some others, more likely than not it was shaped by
someone else in your past, then you can rebuild in your own image.
Dang straight! It has already happened. It feels the vultures have already feasted & that even brought some relief, so we are remaking, rebuilding & will continue for a while.
LikeLike
Indeed. The on going process of being human, from birth to death and everything in between.
LikeLike
Soul break has been done on this earth for a time and a spell now, has i ever had it, sure enough more than once its bit me,
The grainy hazy morning after realizing youve screwed someone over worse than you can ever repay,
The ever lingering effects of guilt on a semi sweet concience that tells you it will be okay
Doing things to your own body that you dont approve of and never will, the past remorse of long forgotten soul stirring memories that haunt you to this day.
The hope and desire to leave all the rooted decay behind hoping it only affected your soul and mind and not your physical prowess,
Ah to be young and un soul broken again, and yet would i take it all back
No,no,no
Ive become the soulbreak and the soulbreak has become me, alas!
It has resolved me into the man i am, and i shall be strong despite it, i am soulbreaking
LikeLike
I like it
LikeLike
I like it! Thanks for sharing, I didn’t know you write.
LikeLike